I went back to City Impact for a service tonight. After freaking out seeing someone in glenfied mall, I decided to find out if they were as scary as my mind was making out.

The entire expereince was memorable, however not a good memory. Starting with parking down in the far corner of the car park. No lights, and having to walk up over pot holes, ditches, and rough gravel. I made it up to the auditorium, without breaking any bones which was a goos start. I skirted past C, hoping she wouldnt see me, because of having sent her a copy of Kingdom Lost. She didnt, which was ok. Ran into another woman inside who was like "oh wow I havent seen you in ages", I sort of mumbled some excuse, and then made it to a seat without running into anyone else... Looked down and saw J, on the different side to what I remember, but luckily she didnt make it up as far as me, also saw CL, M, and a big few. was feeling a little paranoid, but I left on good terms which was ok....Unless someone had firgured out it was me who sent them.

When I walked in, they were singing a boppy song and then moved into a delerious song. Now delerious are a great band, however singing their music is a bit wierd, its like singing U2 in church. Then Peter and Bev got up and banged on about how they'd been in sweden and how amazing they were. and then there was this lovely DVD on the building project, CH banging on about how she saw a vision where people were comming from all over the city to fo there... The delusional wee tot.

I'd forgotten how big their bloody egos were. It was worship sunday which meant no sermon..... I managed to stay for close to an hour. The whole expereince left me thinking someone had skewered me with a pointy stick and proceeded to push it back and foward while at the same time banging my forehead with a wooden mallet.

Am I scared of these people, will I shirk if I see any of them in the city, will I be truthful about where I've been. No, no and yes

She was used to men using her then casting her aside
and judging her
she thought this man was just like the rest
He looked just the same as the rest

But unlike the rest
He looked her straight in the eyes,
and said "I know where you've come from and I know what you've done"
His eyes seemed to pierce right to her innermost being
"I want to tell you it doesnt matter, and I still want to get to know you, to have a relationship"
"Will you walk with me and be my disiple?"

She accepted this mans invitation
And began to converse with him
She began to walk with her head held high and discovered that she was someone worth while

There was an item on 60 minutes tonight about the Notorious chapter of the mongrel monb. Basically these guys are going through a rebranding and trying to walk away from their pasts and concentrate on not seeing their kids follow down their path. They have started a labour business called rent a bro and are trying to see P erradicated from out of their midst.


The cynic in me says "yea right" its probably all one big con.

The realist in me says these guys have never gone on record in terms of having an interview on TV, nor have they gone public in meetings speaking about where they have come from. With God all things are possible, and if he can rescue me, he certainly can get to these guys.

The interview also looked at the project awhi, the founder of which who was I guess a mentor to many of these men. He seemed like an awesome man, and I can see whyhe made a difference where so many have tried and failed.

To the Notorious Chapter
I'm cynical yes, but I believe change is possible even for the scariest most dangerous people.
Props to you for wanting something different for your kids,
Go hard and prove the cynical buggars wrong

Kia Kaha

Its dark outside at the moment. The crisis in the middle east seems to be escalating, as Israel and the Hezbola attempt to bomb the crap out of each other.

The power holders are not being affected, but ordinary people on both sides of the conflict are being killed and injured.

Please pray that God will be able to move mightly in this situation, and that peace will be restored. Pray that God will be able to comfort those who have been injured or lost family members, and pray for those who mourn.

Please pray that God will be able to guide the world leaders, and give them the ability to act with integrity and wisdom

This was the letter I wrote to myself at the end of the ICE course

Hey You

Its been a wacky week. Living rough, meeting all sorts of new people, having preconceptions busted wide open and being challeneged and growing.

Dont forget what you've seen down here or the people you've met.

Go hard with God, worry about pleasing Him, not men. He wants to take you on an adventure. Are you ready for that?

Remeber you have more ability than you realise. with God and the support of those who matter to you, you will succeed.

And lastly

Carpe Diem, make your life extraordinary

Me

Just got back from the dentist, minus 10 teeth and am now the proud owner of a full set of top dentures.....

Prayers for a quick recovery with no complications would be appreciated

This is a work in progress. I will be adding and editing over the next wee bit. Any suggestions feel free... Please note though this is a very rough draft

What do modern witches need.....
Apart from Jesus? Thats a given.

I'm often asked, why I appear to be advocating for witches. That is, why do I stick up for them. Jesus came to heal the broken hearted. He came to proclaim liberty to the captives, to give sight to the blind, and to set at liberty the oppressed. He also said we were supposed to feed the hungry, cover the naked and visit those in prison.

Witches and pagans, as much as they will try to deny it, they are hurt and broken people, who are held captive in a prison they can not see taste hear or touch. Another one of the commandments Jesus gave was "to love the lord your God with all your heart mind and soul, and secondly loving your neighbour as yourself". I dont see who heaping judgement and condemnation on a witch, for being hurt and broken, is the same as loving my neighbour as I love myself.

When I was a practicing witch, the christians who had the most powerful impact on me, were the ones who preached the gospel through every action. They occasionally used words, but only when necessary.

These people gave me space to be me,


One of the reasons I got into witchcraft, was that I had been badly burned by people claiming to be christian. Also when I sort answers for some of my circumstances, I got a whole host of patronising answers about how it was all part of Gods plan and God had a purpose... No one was able to let it rest at "I dont know" and give me space to rant...

So anyway, what about modern day witches. Do they dress in black and fly around on broomsticks? is Harry Potter even close to the actual reality of modern day witchcraft?

While I was someone who like to dress in black, on occasion, I didnt look much different to the people around me. The only difference was a pentacle I used to wear on a long chain.

what helped me when I came to Christ?

People giving me space, to work through issues, it was difficult to be dealing with the fact that I had gone from a path that was based on relativism as in "so long as you dont cause harm to anyone", to a path that now had a set of moral absolutes. There was some pretty big changes to get used to.

a quote from someone on Christian forums

"Child molestation and homosexuality go hand in hand". And the church wonders why the world wants no part of the church? Seriously if I stood up in the Auckland community church and suggested that, I would be booted and justifably so

Someone told me once that parking ones brain at the door was not a requirement for christianity, however in the penticostal circles, I can not believe that so many people can be so bloody dumb

Listening to the greenroom on life FM tonight. Touched on the concept of sex before marriage, and how its a lot healthier and more in line with Gods plan for us... But also looking at why so many people don't wait...

I would have been classified as frigid for many years. The abuse I went through as a kid completely froze me out towards sex. And then somewhere along the line, I discovered that sex wasn't that painful and went from being frigid to being a slut.....I used to hook up with complete strangers from the internet. It was easier that way, although even thats come back to bite me in the ass this year.

For me sex is nothing special, and the fact that I saw it as nothing special made it easy to sell it. It was funny selling sex wasnt that hard, and I dont think it hurt me to much, what I struggled with was having to pretend that I was interested in the person I was with. Eg that they were the greatest shag ever, and the most amazing person. Perhaps thats why I moved from straight sex work into pro Domming. being a bitch Godness, meant that I didnt have to try and be nice

My heart is sad...

God they tell me that what I've done, doesn't matter. Are they telling the truth? Have I really not fallen to far for you to find me?

Deliervance, its one of those hotly contested areas in the church. Some believe some dont. However I've realised in many who are so pro deliervance, they want a magic wand solution that will instantly solve their problems...

Some on CF were asking for advice how to help with healing from abuse. I posted the thread about forgiveness, and while it was acknowledged, most said "Yes" they had been conseled in the need for forgiveness. It was very clear while they had been told about forgiveness, most were still hugely hanging onto the wrongs that had been committed...

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things to see strongholds broken of a persons life

When I came to faith, and someone told me that forgiving my abuser was needed for deliervance, I was like "what the heck God are you nuts?. This man put me through unbearable abuse at a very young age, and you expect me to forgive him?"

God spoke to me very clearly. "I forgave you from a death sentence, who are you not to forgive?"

The bible and particullary the new testament is very straight up about forgiveness

Mathew 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you

Mark 11:24-25 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. 25And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Mathew 18:35 35"This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

To name but a few of the scriptures that talk about forgiveness

For me it was a case of every day for months saying "I will and want to forgive *name* for the things he did to me. Lord I cant do this on my own and I ask for your ability to help me to forgive this man" I'd tried to say I forgive him, but hadnt been able to get the words out...
One day I said "lord I forgive *name* for what he did to me". It caught me by surprise, and I said it again to make sure I hadnt imagined it. AsI moved from a state of unforgiveness against this person, to forgiving this person, strongholds were broken of my life.

Forgiveness is not so much about the other person, rather us gaining the freedom that Christ so desperately wants for each one of us... So many people have told stories of teasing in school, for many years, and one day they met their tormenter again. The person doing the tormenting had long forgotten about it, but the person who was tormented lived with the memory every day for many years, unforgiveness has kept the imjured party in bondage

Forgiving doesnt mean you are required to line yourself up for more of the same treatement, for example was the man who abused me still alive I would not put my niece of nephews in a situation where he could do the same to them.

Forgiveness is in no means easy, however the freedom that comes with it, is undescribable

To those of you who have been abused, and it still impacts on your today. Start forgiving the people who hurt you, even if you have to say every day "I want to forgive the person who hurt me". Because I can gurantee, that as you move towards forgiving those who hurt you, you will see stuff happen in your life.
Also important to know I think is that forgiveness isnt a one time thing, especially if the person who hurt you continues to do so. I found at times i had to keep saying "I forgive *name*...

By Kirk Franklin.


I dont often thrash songs like this one. But this song has some really powerful lyrics. Also perhaps because it mirrors alot of my experience, although be it from the oppisate gender



My mama gave me up when I was four years old
She didn't destroy my body but she killed my soul
Now it's cold 'cause I'm sleeping in my back seat
Understand the spirit's willing but my flesh is weak
Let me speak, I never had a chance to dream
Ten years old finding love in dirty magazines
Ms. December you remember I bought you twice
Now I'm thirty plus and still paying the price
Had a sister that I barely knew
Kind of got separated by the age of two
Same mama different daddy so we couldn't fake it
I saw my sister's daddy beat her in the tub naked
Take it serious the demons in the man's mind
The same daddy with rape charges now he's doing time
Crack followed and like daddy prison thirteen years
Haven't her but she's traded tears for fears



[Chorus]
Shout. Shout
Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
So come on
I'm talking to you
So come on



Sex was how I made it through
Without someone to teach you love what else is there to do?
So where I'm from they call you gay and say you ain't a man
Show them you ain't no punk
Get all the girls you can
A simple plan that still haunts me even now today
Back to seventeen and got a baby on the way
NO G.E.D. all I see is failure in my eyes
If you listening then remember I apologize
I was raised falling in the church
Made mistakes heard the lord calling in the church
After service on the parking lot getting high
Wanted to be excepted so bad I was willing to die
Even tried to tell the pastor but he couldn't see
Years of low self esteem and insecurities
Church taught me how to shout and speak in tongues
But preacher teach me how to live now when the tongue is done, help me



[Chorus]

See I'm. See I'm
Soul surviver. Soul surviver
World surviver
I just wanna let it go
World surviver, soul surviver
Just wanna let it go



Jesus please on my knees can't you hear my crying
You said to put it in your hands and lord I'm really trying
You wasn't lying when you said you'd reap what you sow
Like that night mama died
Hard to let it go
You adopted me
Cared for me
And changed my name
But I cursed at you
Lied to you
Left your pain
It's not strange I can still see it in my head
To know for hours you were laying in that bed
If you listening to this record,
If it's day our night
If my mama still living treat your mama right
Don't be like me and let that moment slip away
And be careful cause you can't take back what you say
To my real mama if you listening I'm letting it go
To my father I forgive you 'cause you didn't know
The pain was preparation for my destiny
And one more thing lord let my son be a better man than me



Chorus x2
I'm talking to you, you in the corner, you in the back
You dont have to take your life
you dont have to cut your wrists
You dont have to hide behind sex
C'mon


[Kirk Franklin]

Halloween



Rebecca Brown MD While Ms Brown has admitted her testimony is made up, she still continues in the ministry founded on her books





Mike Warnke Has been well debunked, however he does not admit he is at fault



why do I point the fingers at these people. Its not like I'm perfect by any means of the imagination. When I first came to Christ, I remeber being gobsmacked by a well meaning christian, who asked me about Human sacrifices and had I ever participated in one.....Not to mention the christians that when they found out where I'd come from, would take a few stpes backwards, like they were afraid I was going to curse them. Never mind the fact I wouldnt have done that when I was a witch

This person was an avid reader of Rebecca Brown, and while I can forgive ignorance, its not something I would want to endure again. The idea of working magik against another human being was abbohrent to me. Why would I ever want to do that as a christian


The comments on this post have been locked, due to a toxic commenter who while likes to sling insults about the age of the SRA post, but provides no evidence to counter it. To be blunt, I'm not in the mood

Do you ever have those days when God bowls you over with his provision?

I am having a huge dental bill at the moment, years of self neglect had completely trashed my teeth and was going to be getting a plate. I was looking at a $1000 bill, which in the terms of the work being done was still very cheap, however still well outsideof what I could afford. WINZ would pay $500 which would have left me with another $500 to pay off. However went to catch the lady this morning, and found out that they will cough up for the whole $1000. I have to pay it back, but $10 a week sure as heck beats having to sell a vital organ in order to pay the bill

They seem so much less uptight than penticostal pastors. Had a good chat to M tonight, hes the vicar at St Pauls. The man is so down to earth its not funny. I've been used to the uptight example set by my former church. The idea of having a chat with the senior pastor would be unthinkable. I would have been lucky to have "the man" say hello in the cafe. never mind being able to go up to him and have a chat about issues with the church

I dont think for a moment that these guys are perfect. They are human and like all of us have feet of clay. However what attracts me about St Pauls is the fact that it is ok to be real, it is ok to be in church and not have to be happy to be in church

The idea of having a church that is lead by God, and they are prepapred to fit in around how God leads, is kind of cool

Had been checking in daily on the web to find out my exam results. Normally the results get put up one paper at a time, like the examiners like to draw out the agony. But not this time, checked today and all of the results had been posted.

I was stoked, as the above results show I did really well. Introduction to fieldwork practice was a pass fail paper, which explains the P grade. But I am really stoked with myself. I was sick for three of my exams and really worried that I would not do ok. But as you can see I kicked ass :-)

Christians, if ex ocultists dont know about it, chances are it doesnt happen. And sorry to burst your bubble Rebecca Brown MD and Mike Warnke, are fakes frauds and charlatains....



The Hard Facts About Satanic Ritual Abuse
By Bob and Gretchen Passantino
An edited version of this article first appeared in the winter 1992 Christian Research Journal



WARNING: Because of the horrific nature of these reports, some of this article may be disturbing to readers. Every attempt has been made to deal with the subject objectively and with circumspect language.



A young teenage girl, impregnated during a satanic ritual, is forcibly delivered of her nearly term baby, forced to ritually kill the child and then to cannibalize its heart as cult members watch. Another girl, a small child, is sealed inside the cavity of a disemboweled animal and "rebirthed" by her cultic captors during a ceremony. A preschool class is systematically sexually, emotionally, and physically abused by part of a nationwide, nearly invincible network of satanic pedophiles and pornographers. A young girl is thrown into an electrified cage with wolves and ritually tortured to deliberately produce a "wolf personality," part of her multiple personality disorder (MPD).



These are a few of the thousands of horrifying stories circulating throughout the nation and abroad.[1] Some true believers (see SRA glossary) in this phenomenon say there are more than 100,000 "adult survivors" who have entered therapy and "remembered" these horrible abuses.[2] Others more than double the number.[3] These terrifying accounts are tied to the current public concern about stranger abduction of children, said by true believers to number in the thousands annually.[4] True believers say the conspiracy[5] is almost invincible, covers the nation (if not the world), and involves key power players in the courts, education, politics, religion, and society.



True believers provide unconditional support to alleged adult survivors whose therapeutically recovered "memories" typically indict their elderly parents for heinous crimes including murder, cannibalism, sexual torture, incest, and bestiality. Some bring their cases to law enforcement, hoping for criminal prosecution. Some obtain restraining orders barring their parents from seeing them or their grandchildren. Some cut all ties with family and disappear. Some begin new lives as television and radio talk show guests, sharing their gruesome stories coast to coast during after school television time. Almost all are in the midst of long term intensive therapeutic counseling, many are involved in dozens of psychiatric hospitalizations and almost daily therapy sessions and support group meetings. Small children are sometimes snatched from their parents' custody on the whisper of a suspicion that the parents may be involved in satanic ritual abuse (SRA).[6]



True believers among therapists, alleged adult survivors, law enforcement, journalists, and Christian leaders unanimously call for everyone to believe the stories, to change the justice system so recovered "memories" alone can convict in criminal court, and to rise up against this nearly invincible satanic conspiracy.



If it is true, such reactions are to be expected. If it is not true then families are being destroyed, truth is being ignored, biblical standards of evidence and testimony are being thrown away, "survivors" are being trapped in long term destructive therapeutic situations, and Satan is getting more credit than he is due. In this article we move beyond the sensationalism and emotionalism to take a serious look at satanic ritual abuse (SRA) stories.[7]




To read the rest, written by Bob and Gretchen Passantino

The picure of the non perfect christian. I spent so much time at City impact allowing myself to get sqeezed into the model of how a christian should be. Christians dont have tounge piercings, or any sort of piercings, they all dress the same way, dont wear black, but wear all sorts of lovely pastel crappy colours.

Whats wrong with the above picture?
God I believe created us as individuals. If he'd wanted a mass of people who all acted the same way and dressed the same way and were carbon copies of each other, he would have damm well designed us like that.

God has to have one of the worst public relations team ever.



Examples such as this where one of the reasons why I ran from God for so long. I figured if christians couldnt take the time to actually get informed about my religous practices, why the heck would I ever want to listen to anything they said about Jesus. I mean if a christian thinks I sacrifice children, drink blood and have wild orgies under the full moon, seriously why would I want to listen to anything they have to say about God.

Luckily Jesus Christ is far bigger and able to deal with having a crappy public relations team. He met me in the middle of the cesspool that was my life, where I'd been didnt matter to him. All that mattered was that I was sorry for my sins and wanting to be in relationship with him

Its dark outside. A couple of weeks ago, there was a news report, twin boys only 3.5 months old had died in Starship hospital. The cause of death was violence. How could anyone fatally hurt children that small. Children are growing up in homes where violence is the norm. Where its normal for a 3 year old child to be raped and sodimised. Back when it happened to me, it was deinfately not the norm.

How is it we live in a society that tolerates such crap. We have christians who are getting upset at things like civil unions and heaven forbid prostitution being legalised is of the devil. Perhaps it is, but I cant help but wonder if this is a trick of the devil. Get Christians upset about gay marriages and they'll ignore the fact that small children are having to endure things not adult should have to deal with let alone a child