Okay so ita hollywood drama, but hey how far would scientists go with the science thing and clonning humans for organ harvesting. Ugg the ethics of that is just ick ick ick. Talk about a world going mad, i mean I know we havent made it to clonning humans but when we clone sheep or dogs it seems like we arent to far away from clonning humans

A good movie though...

Done the pysch stuff, off to atomic in an hour yay

Went to church this morning to here this Christine Cain who everyone had been raving about. As this woman got up on the stage I realisede why everyone was raving about her. She was one of the best speakers I remeber from my former time as a christian, a little greek lady who had the guts and determination to follow where ever god commanded. And now she is a world reknown preacher

The messages were perfect as well, for the church as well as individuals. She was saying about how we need to be prepared to let god dig in order to move on into the promises that he has for us, but also be prepared to have stuff cut away. we stayed for both services

Isnt it. I hate that feeling that I'm about to do something I am going to regret, yet feel that I am powerless to stop it... Sigh

anyway I had a good time on the coramandel. It was good to see G again I think. she has this new dog, a long haired jack russell named candy. Hideous name but the dog is gorgeous. Drove back today and it was pissing rain all the way. Not to bad a drive though, only enoountered huge amount of traffic when I got to just before the turn of to the auckland motor way. arrk some people suck as motorists though

absolutley knackered tonight. Have just finished a 40 hour week and I am knackered. went to social gateway tonight, it was a bit wierd, but oh well such is life. J is being a complete clingy crap. I just had to tell him to respect my space and leave me the heck alone. I believe God wants me to give him a min of six months before I try to look at a relationship. I think he has a point, I mean I spent 10 yers getting screwed up and i need to deal with it properly before I can be a good partner, girlfriend and dare I say it wife... I am not sure about J either, I mean the guy thinks that Harry potter is a good representation of witchcraft..

what a night. About an hour before gateway my mind set shifted from one of arrrkkk I want to run to one of "Screw this" its time to take care of busines. It wasnt anywhere as bad as I thought it would be. As L read out all the groups it like part of me was going "crap" here we go agaiin...

Its awesome to know that I have shut the door on suicicide, I feel a huge release in that area. Like some huge doors have been closed. I now know that I have freedom in that area... It was like L said, to want oneself dead is not something of god.

But also shutting the dor on witchcraft was another area that I feel over the moon about. I think I am finnaly starting to recognise that awesome power and authority that my lord has given me...

I think the abuse stuff is still going to be an issue

I'm not as nervous as I thought I would be. Thanks to a loving god, I fasted today and while I dont reallt get the need to C said it was important to do it and given that she is a more mature christian I will take her advice on that one

and one to go, when S & T walked past my window talking loudly, it threw me, after I had staarted my exam today I was like arrkkk shite. But hey never mind. went to see H but its not a biggie

Going through some hairy times at the moment and just wanted to say good is awesome, and for the follwoing reasons

1. A friend of mine gave her heart to god, last night, I am so thankful for an awesom woman who got a nuge from god and followed up on it, otherwise I think my fined would have run again like she has for the last several weeks

2. My friend had asked me to go with her if she did but this woman sort of sideways shuffled me and tok another woman down in support. At the time I felt hugely miffed and upset, but I relaised that coz of the headpsace I am in at the moment little things seem to get blown up out of proportion and that the huge annoyance was really a minor miffedness and that I because I had spoken to someon else about how I was feeling I needed to go to this woman direct and explain that I wasnt miffed annoyed or even offended

I just spoke with her and all I can say is God is an awesome god, we spoke about that but also got to speaking about some other stuff, and the it was in a small quiet voice "My child I love you and want nothing but the vey best for you"which for me was pretty awesome given that last night I was seriously contemplating giving up and running

BUt also with clarifying with this lady it has given me the strength I need to keep on going and pressing into god and pressing for a breakthrough

I'm tired at the moment, and praise the lord for his strength, because if I was doing it in mine, I think I would be about 10feet under by now

How the heck is it possible to be so completely in conflcit about something. I mean I want to get right with god, and get free from my baggage. Yet last night when the annointing came down I felt like my guts was getting ripped in too. I cried out to God when I was going home last night, told him that I couldnt do it anymore, and that I was giving up...

and god being the awesome god that he is , met me where I was at yet again. I had the most awesome sleep last night. Woke up this morning feeling really rested. And actually having the stress under control again today. Spoke with C about getting a ride on tuesday, thought if the getting to church was issue then if it was taken out of my hands then that would probably be a good thing, because as much as I want to get my life right, I am also in conflict and want to run as fast as possible

Another one of those feling blah moments, B decided to tackle me about the parking issue at 2.30am which didnt go well but hey never mmind... Couldnt get back to sleep but hey never mind, finally gave it u and ended up watching a DVD at 3.30. Got up and went to work and ended up 25mins early but hey never mind.

Work was good, the chic I was working with seemed cool and even the really picky lady who is usually a complete cow was really nice, I mean it was like holy moly, but then again I did pray before I went into her. So cheers lord, its amazing what a difference prayer ion the work place can make, I found that at terrence kennedy the other night as well and yea it just so seemed to make things different

Church tonight, I am looking forward to it, I mean part of me is shaking in my boots and the rest of me is like yay I cant wait.

Psalm 91

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 This I declare of the LORD:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I am trusting him.

3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from the fatal plague.

4 He will shield you with his wings.
He will shelter you with his feathers.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor fear the dangers of the day,

6 nor dread the plague that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.

7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.

8 But you will see it with your eyes;
you will see how the wicked are punished.

9 If you make the LORD your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,

10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your dwelling.

11 For he orders his angels
to protect you wherever you go.

12 They will hold you with their hands
to keep you from striking your foot on a stone.

13 You will trample down lions and poisonous snakes;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!

14 The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.

15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue them and honor them.

16 I will satisfy them with a long life
and give them my salvation."

I love this psalm. I found it the other night whn I was having a really snotty night and I was left close to tears as it was so what I needed to hear...

Yesterday was crappy, after an awesome night at power prayer I just felt yuck and bleek and basically like I was going nuts, I sometimes think some christians when they get through their adversity they forgwt what it was like to be there, and at the moment I so depserately want to be free from my past but when I get dodgy things like my steering going even temprarily it tends to get a bit worrying doing 100kms next to a really big imovable concrete barrier, but thanks to god that I could take authortity and it had no choice but to flee.

anyhow spoke with C, and its always nice to speak with a more mature christian who actually gets it, and went through the rest of the day feeling much better. Got to work and R being the ding dong that he was had forgot to make sure there was a van avaliable so had to wait till 4pm. While I took my books and could do some study it wasnt the point, I busted a gut to get their in time and for nothing.

also was not impressed as I got my human development assignment back with a really crappy pass mark. I mean I passed and while I didnt expect an A+ the dopey marker had marked me wrong on somethings that I had got out of the admin handbook

The course was cool tonight, it was my first night in christian lifestyles for 2 weeks and as I was listening to the teaching I'm like yay lord you rock, I am in a church that has its head screwed on straight as far as this stuff goes... I mean I hear these eggs spouting about how christians can not have demons and I can allmost hear satan going "Oh goodee another pack of ignorant dumbasses, "
lets party"

I am not scared anymore, I am certainly not scared of the enemy as I know my god has already overcome, however the bogeyman is having a party at the moment trying to get me scared enough to not go to gateway next week. Its not going to work, because I know the hell I have come from and I so have no desire to go back there, thanks be to God

Its the first exam this morning. It could be interesting, I think I have done as much learning as possible so I am gonna go into it with the positive attitude that I am going to pass and do well...

So Michael Jackson was found not guilty. I know I should be non judgemental but I think hes wierd enough to have done it but to see no wrong because he is so freaking wierd... I would like to think that he is non guilty and that this has just been someone trying to make money out of him. I would have said look at macaluey caulkins testominy but then again its not like he can be considered a relaible witness

Yes I am seriously trying to avoid doing study for exams but hey never mind


i miss christchurch

And I have holidays, happy happy joy joy joy. Spent ages yesterday trying to absorb some of the stuff for communication disorders, I think some of it sunk in though can be too sure... Also went through the Piaget and vygotsky stuff, though mind you cant imagine how the heck I am going to write about this bollicks for 3 hours. Well I wont be writing but I will be dictating and my writer will be writing, having a writer for a one hour test is bad enough, not looking foward to using one for the exams

Church was interesting the another night, when P made the word of knowledge about someone who had been involved in witchcraft and how they thought they were just playing but had opened up their life to serious demonic strong hold, I' couldnt help but feel a little freaked, I mean thats so true, I started out in wicca dabbling, learning slowly, have I really opened my life up to all that? Gut says yes but yea, anyway I am going into christians lifestyles tonight for the to teaching for freedom night and then next week is freedom night, Yea freaking huh. It scares the crap out of me in some respects as when P came and stood next me at the I-booth I could feel my hackles starting to rise, and something in me was spitting and screaming... The fun continues

More study today, and for todays entertainment I think I will study some more vygotsky and piaget but also take another look at the communication disorders and if I get tme look at some of the language studies stuff. Yay I can wait till my exams are over and I actually have something interesting to post about

I hate bills... All it seems I do in my life is pay bloody bills. Just got the one from B for the phone bill and I'm going like ekkkk. Mind you its not as bad as all that I get paid next week and should be able to pay the majority of that by next week and have just made an ppoointment to go see the winz lady, if I can get winz to pay my rent then I can use what I would have paid for rent to pay the phone bill in entirity

I need to do some study today. Think I will have a look at human development... Its cool how the ledcturers have given us a broad outline of whats in the the exam so at least we have an idea of where the heck to study